Kids, there are two ways to grow a long white beard like Santa's. First, you have to eat nothing but milk and cookies for at least 50 years. This is the best part. Then you have to work in a factory year round (or better yet make elves do it), live in an arctic wasteland, and once a year you have to visit about three billion houses in fewer than 24 hours. Tell you what -- if you're going this route, start with the milk and cookies part and report back to us in a few months, tell us how it's going. The second way, which is a little more convenient, is to get our Santa Wig and Beard. It'll be a lot more comfortable wearing our cozy, fitted wig and beard than chilling in the Arctic all year, right? And did we mention how bad reindeer smell?